I Will Not Pray

I will not invoke the imagined power of my big bad invisible friend,

To tackle the reality of your suffering.

I will not paint my profile pretty colours,

Nor appropriate your flag for the day.

If I am able to help at all 

It will be done in person.

With hands and feet and time and money.

You will always have my sympathies,

But never the glib, false-promise of a prayer.


Dumbing Down is a girls best friend – how the Daily Mail is a sign that feminism is effective.


The Daily Mail make a habit of hiring female journalists who try to be controversial; by which I mean that they regularly spout opinions better suited to a 1950s Good Housewife magazine and praise Thatcher to the skies.

This article (see link) by Liz Jones however is the cheapest attempt at courting controversy I’ve thus far encountered. In the simplest possible terms, Jones claims that men make better bosses because they’re not obsessed with shoes or raising a family. She then goes on to back this up by using examples of her own career failures, pinning them on “being female” rather than taking personal responsibility. 

And I get it, you know. They want people talking about the paper to boost readership, so they print something so ludicrous that people can’t help but comment and share. 

What I don’t understand is how a journalist (who has clearly earned her position through knowledge and hard work) wants to willingly undermine herself like this. It’s as though the Tories have a secret university where they’re selectively breeding a generation of women with low self-esteem. A whole line of educated ladies who will come out in a neat blue suit, notebook in hand ready to write in favour of their powerful male overlords. 

Maybe it’s a good thing. Perhaps the advances made by feminism are now such that the ageing back-benchers are waking in a cloud of pipe-smoke and spluttering in shock…

“Women actually like themselves?!? What has the world come to?? 

Quick Boris, get the Mail on the phone! We can’t have this!”

I write in jest of course, but when the conservative candidates are currently having a fight more suited to the schoolyard:

“Well at least I’m a mum! Ner!”

You have to wonder how far an intelligent woman is willing to lower her standards in order to feel successful.

Perhaps I should publish more articles on the struggles of Motherhood and the perfect shoe. Maybe then the Broadsheets will hire me…